one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i think i have herpe
just one?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
