I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
