you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
