I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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