i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
