Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
