Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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