Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
