my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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