maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
