I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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