dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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