C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
