i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
