I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
