So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
