And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
