my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
