Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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