I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just fell off a train. Bad.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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