9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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