yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
