Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
