I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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