i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She even gives head with a lisp.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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