I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
