my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
