I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
