I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
