We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
