the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
