i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
