Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just blew my weed a kiss
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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