He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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