R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
whose ass print is on the piano?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
