We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
