don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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