we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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