could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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