my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
