My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Someone signed my nipple.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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