that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
