The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
