It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
