I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
