Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
