I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
as a side note pls kill me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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