So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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