Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
