White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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